My husband and I were in our weekly marriage counseling appointment on Monday when the issue of birth control came up. Not for the first time.
"I just don't think it's fair that I'm the one who always has to deal with all issues down there" I explain, looking down to the zipper of my jeans. I've had 4 babies, 2 miscarriages, and years of monthly menstrual anguish. I've been on the pill, tried the IUD. I'm sick of being the one to deal with all matters reproductive. I've done my part in that show. Besides, vasectomies are easy. All of my friends' husbands are getting them. They aren't a big deal."
My husband disagrees. Men have this thing about their penises. Just mention penis and cut in the same sentence, and they crouch over and grab their crotch as if they can actually feel the pain.
"You're the one who doesn't want to have any more kids," he says. "So you should be the one to get fixed."
"You're the one who wants to have sex all the time," I reply, "So maybe you should be the one to get fixed."
The scary truth is that my husband would happily have another baby, making the grand total 5 kids. Let me say that again. 5 kids. Who in their right mind has 5 kids these days?
As a mom of 4, I’ve reached the point of knowing - without a doubt - that my days of longing for another child are over. I’ve done my part in continuing the family lineage, times four. I’ve hit the proverbial wall - with a thud.
I’m tired. All the time. I don't need to explain why.
So the issue of birth control in our household lingers, to be brought up again in marriage counseling next week.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Where has feminism led us?
When I read last week that a former Goldman Sachs vice president-- a
woman-- was suing the firm for firing her a week before she returned
from maternity leave (NY Times, 3/24/2010), I felt like we had
regressed back to the pre-Gloria Steinem era. What good was the
women’s lib movement, after all, if women are still unable to hold
down big jobs and have kids, too?
I graduated from Princeton in 1990. Like other young women who came of
age in the 70s and 80s, I was told that I could do anything, be
anything, that the world was my oyster. In my early 30s, with two
degrees and ten years of work experience under my belt, I quit my job
to stay home and raise my children. I wasn’t educated or trained to be
a mother, God knows. But, with a husband who traveled extensively for
work, an extended family that lived three thousand miles away, and a
workplace that was unforgiving towards mothers, I felt I had no
choice.
As I crawl around the floor picking up Cheerios and toys, I wonder
where the women's lib movement has brought us. How liberated are women
today, really? When we look at the life of the "superwoman" career
mom-- cramming 36 hours worth of obligations into each 24 hour day,
putting the needs of a whiny toddler above her own, caving in to the
pressure of other people’s expectations and her own desire to excel in
every aspect of her life-- the picture is far from liberating.
Firing a woman who was out on maternity leave is illegal, and
hopefully Goldman will be held accountable for their actions if this
proves to be the case. But I can’t help but think that a society which
either forces a mother to choose between her job and her family life,
or ensures she can’t succeed when she pursues both, is just tragic and
cruel.
woman-- was suing the firm for firing her a week before she returned
from maternity leave (NY Times, 3/24/2010), I felt like we had
regressed back to the pre-Gloria Steinem era. What good was the
women’s lib movement, after all, if women are still unable to hold
down big jobs and have kids, too?
I graduated from Princeton in 1990. Like other young women who came of
age in the 70s and 80s, I was told that I could do anything, be
anything, that the world was my oyster. In my early 30s, with two
degrees and ten years of work experience under my belt, I quit my job
to stay home and raise my children. I wasn’t educated or trained to be
a mother, God knows. But, with a husband who traveled extensively for
work, an extended family that lived three thousand miles away, and a
workplace that was unforgiving towards mothers, I felt I had no
choice.
As I crawl around the floor picking up Cheerios and toys, I wonder
where the women's lib movement has brought us. How liberated are women
today, really? When we look at the life of the "superwoman" career
mom-- cramming 36 hours worth of obligations into each 24 hour day,
putting the needs of a whiny toddler above her own, caving in to the
pressure of other people’s expectations and her own desire to excel in
every aspect of her life-- the picture is far from liberating.
Firing a woman who was out on maternity leave is illegal, and
hopefully Goldman will be held accountable for their actions if this
proves to be the case. But I can’t help but think that a society which
either forces a mother to choose between her job and her family life,
or ensures she can’t succeed when she pursues both, is just tragic and
cruel.
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